Bums

I don't know why I haven't posted about this sooner, but it is incredibly hilarious.

A bum shit in front of our gate last week. I found it when I was coming back from walking the Murphy and he was trying to sniff it. Exceptionally disgusting. How do I know it's bum shit? Because its location was incredibly close to the wall and entirely too large to be a dog shit unless it's the most coordinated Mastiff that I have ever seen, but I highly doubt it. I didn't really believe it to be true, so on my way to work I called Smellso (who is still at home) and had her go check it out to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Sure enough I was right.

It was probably from some bum who was pissed that I left O'Douls in the alleyway to be stolen. Damn Bums

Addendum to Ex-Boyfriend Baby Story

I would also like to mention that he entitled the MASS email as "Baby Coming Soon". Now if we are close enough friends and you are having a baby, I do not want to hear about it first hadn from an email. Secondly, "Baby Coming Soon"? What is it the new feature attraction at AMC? Is it coming out on DVD Nov 2? What is that about? Granted I knew about it already because someone told me, but realistically if you are going to MASS email your closest friends about your mongril, I would think you would have at least told them all personally first.

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool

There is nothing more random and shocking than opening your email leisurely on a Sunday night to see the top email from your ex-boyfriend whom you haven't heard from in roughly 2 years in regards to his "bundle of joy," which is due on November 2nd, and asking if you are interested in receiving a baby annoucement and the whole story about how the mongril came about.

It's moderately creepy and I almost threw up.

I would just like to point out he was only dating this chick for roughly 3 months before this "thing" developed and it was all due to the fact she is a moron and frolicked in the fields while on antibiotics, which any girl knows cancels out any type of birth control. I would also like to mention she tells him this the night before he leaves for the Peace Corps in Ukraine while training in DC. Perfect timing chickie poo. Clearly he stops ship and comes home, which I think is shitty too because there are other people that obviously deserve to go (aka Reppy) but got screwed instead. I thought I was hallucinating when I saw the email and immediately exclaimed "eww" at the top of my lungs to just be reaffirmed by Poop that the email did exist.

Obviously I didn't want to miss out on some potential future entertainment and shock value, so I emailed him back with our address so we can talk about this again when it joins us in this world. I hope there is a picture included, that would increase the comedy. I know this rant seems rather passive and such, but if you knew the guy and all the things he had planned and going for him, you would think similarly. It just amazes me how some people you think have it all in place immediately lose track of all goals due to a mistake. I know things happen for a reason, but the lead up and response of everyone else really proves me to believe this was a mishap. Who am I to judge?

Iguanas

I really like iguanas. They are hilarious. All they do all day long is sit and have people look at them and when they are done with that, they walk away, eat some grass and then sit some more. If fact, they are somewhat pretentious, which is comical as well. They puff up and look all tough and just when you think they are all cute and cuddly, they smack you with their tail, draw blood and give you rabies. This didn't happen to me of course, but it could if I got drunk and wanted to pet it. I mean he's all cute and cuddly right?

St. John Day 2

So far I am thoroughly in love with vacations. They are amazing and everyone should take one at somepoint every year. There is a trampoline in the ocean which is awesome, but you definitely can't be drunk or tired to get to it, because let me tell you, it's exceptionally exhausting, and once you are there, you don't care anymore.

I would just like to let you know that originally we were supposed to have a 1 bedroom with a loft and somehow managed to score a three bed three and a half bath. I don't really know how that happened, but when I got here, I was completely confused. I totally thought I was in the wrong room with the two story house that we have that is larger than my house at home. Seriously. Not to mention that we have our own pool and hot tub in our front gated yard. There are also iguanas just chillin outside our house and pool, not to mention the little lizards running around. It's pretty sweet.

My dad overflowed the toilet on day one. Leroy (maintenance) was too keen on cleaning up said mess. Other than that this are amazing and I highly recommend everyone come play here.

More to come....
Stinky out

The week thus far...

...can kiss my ass. Probably the worst week I have ever had and its only Tuesday. I have never had as many things to do at work as I have right now. It seems like it is endlessly piling on me. Not to mention these antibiotics I'm taking really don't make me a happy Stinky. They make me a Stinky with a headache, which I don't really like considering I have to take them twice a day. What is all that about? Plus a headache from work...overrated I tell you, and lame.

I would also like to reiterate that I highly enjoy the word lame. Some exceptionally short pointed out to me yesterday that I am the only person he knows that uses it, but I don't believe him [with hand motion]. It really describes life relatively well...

Life to me feels like this right now:
"You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand" - "Stand" by Rascal Flatts

Smellso's response:


That's why we are friends

San Diego Sports

1. Why is it that the Padres only get one late game during the post-season and they have to play at the same time as the Chargers? Who thought playoffs during Sunday football was a great choice? I want to talk to you.
2. The Padres can basically kiss my ass right now because their playoff capabilities are lackluster and I don't really know what there problem is. Step it up.
3. Charger throwback jerseys are pretty much my favorite thing besides cheese.
4. If both SD teams would have lost today, I might have overly freaked out, but since the Chargers pulled through (and I was still exceptionally hungover) I didn't lose it.
5. I love Sunday football.

USD Homecoming Weekend...

...is pretty much the best time of the year. Everyone from school gets all spirited and comes back to rally hard for pretty much an amazing weekend. Needless to say, today I feel absolutely exhausted and slightly hungover still from being drunk three times in 36 hours. I don't really know what was going on, or which side was up for that matter.

Started Friday at Happy Hour and didn't stop until 330am last night. Friday night the posse rolled downtown with T-Rex to have a rather debaucherous night. It was ridiculous. There was dancing, shot taking, being lifted up several times. Again I didn't know what the hell was going on, but I do know that Giggles and his buddy Nick are absolutely hilarious. All I can say is....the dancing.

I slept for like 5 hours and got up and did it all over again. USD Homecoming day was Saturday. Woke up and went to USD at 11am to start the shananigans. Drank beers, ate food, rode in a trunk (nobody puts Stinky in a trunk), got rowdy at the game, which led to the cone fiasco. Freakin rent-a-cops weren't letting me go out the main gate, so I got out and launched their cones into bushes, which then proceeded to Smellso knocking over all cones while I drove past them. They were none to pleased. It may have been because Smellso called him an asshole rent-a-cop but I'm not sure.

Later after a much needed 2.5 hour nap, Smellso and I rallyed to partake in a Longboards evening with Greg and all of the other people I know. We ran into the old posse, Red Baron, Banessa, Baker, Sugar Poo, Squints, DMarr, Chris...It was awesome. I had a blast and we took amazing pictures. Everyone peaced out on Baker and I and we thought it would be a great choice to order 4 beers at close and attempt to pound them all before we left. It wasn't happening, but it did lead to an entertaining walk home and a long overdue head lock/noogie. I don't know what came over us, but after having a conversation about how wasted we were, Baker and I opted to continue the drinking and have another beer when we got back here, which was really not needed. I immediately regretted that decision this morning when I woke up with the most immense hangover, where I couldn't even stand up straight.

Pictures are coming...

Lunchtime in La Jolla

So I am visiting one of my accounts today, just to chat with the Manager Ron, and in mind sentence he looks out the window and notices a random guy (RG) with his door jammed against Ron's truck. He excuses himself and walks away. I, being the nosy person I am, look out the window to see what the deal is. This is how it goes.

• Ron: Excuse me, please take your door off my truck.
• RG: No, I am getting things out of my car, I'll shut it when I'm done.
• Ron: No, I don't want a dent or a scratch on my truck.
• RG: Whatever dude. I'll shut it when I'm done.
• ::More Spat::
• RG: [Loads up and hits Ron across the face.]
• Ron: [Pissed. Lays out the RG]
• RG: [Didn't get up off the ground for another 15-20 min when the ambulance arrived.]

Yes this is what I encounter during lunch on a Wednesday afternoon around noon.

The Saints Are Coming

If you missed the re-opening of the Superdome last Monday, here is a chance to relive the concert that was Green Day and U2.

Best Message

Last night I received quite possibly the best voicemail I have received in a while, courtesy of DMarr. It was sometime after midnight, but I didn't get it until this morning. It went something like this....

• DMarr: "Hey Christiane. I'm in the Longboard's bathroom. Give me a call."

Classic.