A Little Bit of What I Think...

Chargers Football

2008-12-28T14:49:00.000-08:00

It's only appropriate for the match up between them and the Broncos today:

Let's go bolts!

Dear Tom from MySpace

2008-12-09T10:57:00.000-08:00

Dear Tom from MySpace,

Can you please explain to me why some of the features you have on your site are no compatible with, hmmm I don't know, anything that is created by the wonderful people at Apple? I can only imagine that you are constantly creating and reinventing your social obsession on a iMac yourself so it is really beyond me as to why certain pages do not work on Macs and the interface for the iPhone is quite possibly the worst one in the history of the world. It is so not user friendly that I have decided to no longer use the feature or the site. How about that?

Well basically the only reason I use it to be honest is to feed my blog to people who have been reading it for years, but even they are smart enough to know where else to get it.

So this is my letter to you, Tom, who is popular because you are an internet celebrity due to the creation of a social website. Please think about reinventing the wheel and how to possibly out-do the people over at Facebook. I'm just saying for the greater good of the masses.

Sincerely,

C

What a day - Of Birth

2008-12-08T17:52:00.000-08:00

So I imagine that today, Monday, December 8th, would be a rather normal birthday work day that involved some birthday wishes from my friends, family, coworkers and retailers. Relatively normal right?

That would be incorrect.

1. I saw a plane crash. How does that even happen? I am sitting at the intersection by PF Chang's in La Jolla and I am staring off and see this big black thing fall from the air and black billowing smoke following shortly after it was out of sight. Apparently a F-18 military training mission was taking place, engine trouble happened, and crashing ensued about a mile and half away from where I was stopped.

2. After trying to see if I could get closer (yeah I'm that person. It was a slow day), I was stopped on Genessee with a lady to the right of me flipping someone off for an excessive amount of time. Long enough for me to get my camera out and get a photo. Now being the jack ass I can be sometimes, I managed to inch close enough up to be able to be side by side with her, roll down my window and honestly ask "high five?" She then flipped me off.

I'm not 21 anymore....

2008-12-04T16:13:00.000-08:00

I not really sure why I get myself into situations where I think I can drink like a 21 year old again. I'm not in anyway close to being a college kid; I haven't been for years. So clearly being the stupid girl that I can sometimes be, I thought going out after our Christmas dinner with a few coworkers was a brilliant idea.

Now, in most circumstances I would say yes, go do that team bonding and have a good time, but when you decide to exceed the fun limit, then I say you should probably go home. Well I did in fact exceed the fun limit by about 10,000 adult beverages too many. I am quite proud of myself for maintaining my composure because apparently I was ok enough to get into Typhoon (which apparently we went to, I was not aware of the situation) and get myself home. [yes I'm aware it's unsafe and it was dumb, but I am ok so we can laugh about it now]

Today I am waking up and a few things run through my head.

1. Am I late to work yet?

2. Why is my bed completely not made?

3. Why did I sleep in my contacts?

4. How did I get home?

5. Why am I naked?

Now questions 1-3 I could go without worrying about, but 4 & 5, no matter how much I thought about it all day I couldn't figure it out. I thought my feet would hurt from wearing boots all night but they were fine so I thought I may have cabbed. But then I saw the socks. My socks looked like they had been attacked by the asphalt monster, which can only mean I walked home shoeless, which is also safe and exceptionally sanitary.

As for number 5, that continues to be a mystery because I don't know what happened and I was by my lonesome so unless Murphy learns to talk, it's just going to be one of those wonders.

As for excessive beveraging on a work night, I don't recommend it. I don't feel rad, I sure as hell look like ass and I can only imagine what others may think when they get a good look at this hot mess.

6th Annual Friend Thanksgiving

2008-11-17T16:13:00.001-08:00

Friend Thanksgiving is an annual thing we do every year to bring all our friends together to celebrate another good year and to giggle hysterically at one another when they do something stupid. This year is no different.

Ladies & gentlemen, I bring you my rocker roommate David serenading dearest Tresa, even though she doesn't know it.

David Serenades Tresa

Lesson learned, don't fall asleep.

The Do's & Don'ts After Being Caught in a Lie

2008-11-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

After listening to the radio this morning, I felt it necessary that I read up on this article they mentioned in regard to being caught in a lie; mostly because there are some folks close to me that decide its a great life choice to try to pull one over on me. Whether it be a white lie or some utter bullshit to which you cannot even fathom how they created that in their little pea brain of theirs, it is a lie/crap regardless. And if you are going to try to lie to your friends, realize that odds are good they are smarter than you, and can see right through it.

So here is to you liars. Gather together and read up on how to stop being compulsive and start being truthful because, believe it or not, people will respect you a hell of a lot more.

The Do's & Don'ts After Being Caught in a Lie
When someone catches you telling what he/she knows is an untruth, it can be embarrassing as well as uncomfortable for both the liar and the lie's recipient. There is always that awkward moment where truth passes silently betwixt the two parties. It is in that moment that you (as the liar) should find the most appropriate way to deal with your misstep. So what do you do when your fib has been blatantly exposed for the world to see? Try some of this friendly advice:

"Do" #1 : Fess' Up- Admit right away that you have lied. Even if the truth is plainly visible in "black and white," the person to whom you have fibbed will appreciate the acknowledgment. In fact, most people will be more offended because they feel that their intelligence has been insulted, if you continue on in your charade.

"Do" #2 : Explain Yourself- After you've been found out, the next best thing to do is offer a little explanation. Perhaps the lie you've told is just a little white one. Or maybe it's a huge whopper of a story. Either way, a brief justification can do a world of good. For example, if you're planning a surprise party for your buddy and he/she catches you flubbing on your story and gets irritated, it would behoove you to admit the real reason for the misdeed(s). This is a rather benevolent example. But the point is that people sometimes will feel better if they understand the nature of your dishonesty.

"Do" #3 : Apologize- An apology can go a long way when it comes to mending fences with someone whom you have betrayed. The acknowledgment of a fib is certainly necessary. But expressing sincere regret for the attempt to fool someone is even better. Lying is one of those things that people find harmless justifications for. Whether or not the end justifies the means is a moot point when someone realizes that they've been duped.
(Pulled from Associated Content)

So a lesson to you liars. It is better to admit you are at fault and apologize for it. And to be honest, more often than not, you are lying to someone because you know they would call you out or tell you you know better, so instead of lying to them, pull your head out of your ass.

It has been kindly brought to my attention...

2008-10-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

It has been kindly brought to my attention something that may interest you if you find it hysterical to read up on the dumb dicks and douche bags from www.thedirty.com.

There is a relatively new find that emphasizes the douchbaggery that inundates our society every day. If you are unclear with the term, it references those douche bags in action. This includes, but does not limit to, Jersey Blow Outs (jager bombs), bandana wearing/thousand cross bearing/west side throwing white dudes from North Dakota, or balding yoked dudes wearing speedos (they do exist).

So it is my pleasure to give you www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

Let me just clarify this is not me claiming they are hot chicks; in fact, The Dirty should steal some of their evidence and use it if they haven't already.

True Story

2008-10-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

I walked into the elevator of one of my hotels this morning and was joined by one of the construction workers. I pressed the top floor, he pressed the second. He then says:

"Is heaven on the top floor? Because I see an angel."

Really? Has that ever worked? Be honest, I won't judge.

America's Best Dance Crew Live

2008-10-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been to an event/meeting/gathering where you didn't really fit in? Did it feel awkward, yet no one else, but the person you are with, noticed? That is basically the feeling I got going to see America's Best Dance Crew Live on Saturday night. Usually I wouldn't admit to going to such an event because, let's be honest, it's lame and you know you will immediately get made fun of. But since I have such a great sense of humor, I can rough this one out. Oh and let's throw Julia under the bus too because she commuted from Orange County to see it :)

Regardless, can we please talk about the people in attendance. Let's just say for those of you from San Diego, it was Mira Mesa meets Lemon Grove. If you aren't from here, shoot me a message and I'll fill you in. Needless to say, Julia and I stuck out like sore thumbs. We also sat in the back so no one would bother us, but low and behold two girls deemed it necessary to sit directly next to Julia because the three rows ahead and behind us that were completely empty apparently weren't sufficient.

The best part of the show is when the rap remix of the most mainstream songs came on and the 11 year old girl in front of us lost her shit. She acted like this was the high point of her life and started to have what looked like a seizure. I believe it was dancing but it was hard to tell. I thought her and her silver Dorothy shoes, leg warmers and teal leggings were the peak, but when Soulja Boy came on, her and the 30 something year old man across the aisle (she wasn't with him) busted out the dance like it was nobody's business. It was the most aggressive rendition of Soulja Boy I have ever encoutered. Julia and I were hypervenalating with laughter.

And if you haven't seen JBWKZ before - They are pretty entertaining and from San Diego, so, as you can imagine, the arena went ape shit over any performance they did. For those of you who aren't familiar with JBWKZ stands for Jabbawockeez; I am well versed in this nomanclature because I am now ABDC educated. Thank you Randy Jackson.

The Pharmacy

2008-10-14T18:44:00.000-07:00

As some of you know I haven't been feeling to hot the past few days, so I caved and got some medicine to remedy the problem. I went to the pharmacy to pick it up like normal and the pharmacist is explaining what the deal is. Now let me set this up:

Me [tired from work, sleepy, need a nap]

Old Pharmacy Dude [old, wrinkly, awkward, white hair, 6'1", glasses won't look straight at me]

Now he does the explaining, I grab for the bag of goods and then he pauses and holds onto the bag. He looks at me awkwardly and says:

"You know the deal when you take antibiotics, you should use another form of birth control within the next week."

I just stared at him blankly, said "I know. It's common sense," and walked away awkwardly. I wasn't sure if I should be offended or not because I've never been stopped like that.

But thank you old man for that reminder, now go home and tell your wife you did your good deed of the day for not bringing another adolescent into the world.

Dating

2008-10-09T17:44:00.001-07:00

Dating in general is weird. You are sitting through a dinner/coffee/drinks/etc. with a stranger you don't know and trying to figure out if you can tolerate them in large time frames. What a freakin concept. What is more, is that you do it repeatedly - Probably torturing yourself more than you want - Just to find something that clicks. Did the knight in shining armor and prince charming give up? What ever happened to the fairytale playing out?

I know it won't, but its fun to dream, ain't it?

What's cool, on the other hand, is when it works. Not sure if it will in the long run or last until next week but if you have a good time/laugh/talk/etc. it makes for a good night (and good gossip for your girlfriends the next day). I think I forgot what it was like to date people - not exclusively or anything - but casually -it's fun. I say forgot and what I really mean is I never have; let's be honest, for those of you that know me I've always been in for the long haul and that hasn't happened in the better part of the past 3 years.

I'm picky sometimes, don't judge. Moving on.

So if it doesn't work out, you met someone that is rad and fun to hang out with or someone you want to delete from your life completely (which my luck would probably stalk me for months on end and/or propose to me and/or be completely dramatic and breakup with me even though we weren't dating to begin with [not that any of those things have ever happened to me....ahem....])

What's with the weather?

2008-10-07T16:52:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone noticed, but its five million degrees outside. Not four, five. And apparently (I have just been informed) tomorrow it's going to be even hotter. Anyway you look at it, it's still October and sweltering. Usually September and October are our nicest months in San Diego, comfortable 75 and no humidity.

Thank you global warming.

It's 88 with no breeze on the coast and I can only imagine the damaging UV rays that are penetrating East County. (I will have to consult with my East County friends that live on the other side of the 5).

Not even going to mention that it rained over the weekend....

A Series of Unfortunate Events

2008-09-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

I must regretfully inform you all that during the four day bender in Lake Havasu over the weekend we lost a dear member of the drinking team. He is near and dear to us all and it was unfortunate he did not return with us. He is a traveller, loving, caring dude that loved to share with everyone and do what he can to entertain. I'm sorry to see him go and I hope you all will join me in his mourning.

To Flabongo!

We love you dude.

Flabongo, 10 months old, was last seen harassing some people in the Castleview Suite at the Agave Hotel in Lake Havasu City, AZ. He survived by his mother Christiane, aunt Kelsey, aunt Julia, aunt Tresa, aunt Lisa and other brothers and sisters. Donations for Flabongo's cause can be sent to 1615 Diamond Street, San Diego, CA 92109. Services will be held Saturday, September 20 at 7pm in Pacific Beach, California.

For more information on Flabongo and his brothers and sisters, please visit www.flabongo.com.

2008 MTV VMAs - Volume 2

2008-09-07T22:45:00.001-07:00

The second half is not much better. Let's be honest, MTV writers need to figure out new materials to feed their beloved reality show hosts - I know its hard for them to read what they wrote because they are used to being "real" but come on.

1. What was with Mylie Cyrus' spaz out with Rockband. Bon Jovi is like triple her age and I'm pretty sure she was stumbling over the words. And aren't you supposed to be an actress? What was that shitty rendition you gave us?

2. Linkin Park. For those of you who know me, know I have a severe obsession with Linkin Park, but they won an award for the most lame, any band could sing, boring song on their newest album. Not to mention they won Best Rock Video - That song is a ballad, let's pick one that at least involves the word fuck or something.

3. SlipKnot. Whomever thought it was a great idea to put McLovin in a SlipKnot mask and dance around wasted - I commend you.

4. Just because Rhianna was a major winner last year doesn't mean she should perform twice. I mean she did a good job and all, but I would rather like to see Britney embarrass herself, maybe have a wardrobe malfunction or watch Paris get confused (oh wait, that did happen).

5. Jonas Brothers. I still don't know what you sing.

6. Tokio Hotel. Winner of the Best New Artist award. Who are you guys? And are you guys? Girls? Is that hair real? Is that a lisp or lack of tongue? And what do you sing? You are definitely up there with the Jonas Brothers.

7. Another big win for Brit-Brit. But didn't you just thank all those people about 2 hours ago?

8. And another win for Britney. What are the odds they are trying to give her a come back? I mean something like 18 nominations and only 3 wins - riiiiiight.

9. Russell Brand. Hmmmm. Well....hmmm. Go back to the UK. Fact: Perez Hilton just called him a sex addict.

Thank god its over. It was quite possibly one of the worst showings thus far. I can't wait for 2009.

2008 MTV VMAs - Volume 1

2008-09-07T21:43:00.001-07:00

Where do I even start? Am I getting older and less appreciative or is MTV losing steam when it comes to preparing for these things? Granted at this point I am only 45 minutes in, but I already have my fair share of criticisms.

1. All this hype about Brit-Brit opening and the only thing we get is a quick hello, thank you for showing up, here is Rhianna. Nice job - you can read a teleprompter and show up on time. Where is your performance? Just cause you sucked ass last year doesn't mean you can't come back and give us something to talk about. Crap. Btw, congrats Brit, after 5 million nominations you finally won one for your crappiest album.

2. Russell Brand. Congrats to you for being randomly found at a random comedy club in LA. You not only caught everyone off-guard for no one knowing who you are, but you also insult the Republican party out right. I'm sure no one in the music industry is Republican or care about you after this show.

3. The Jonas Brothers. I still have no idea what they sing, even when I hear it.

4. Michael Phelps. You may have won 8 medals in the Olympics this year, but seriously, let's take a public speaking class.

5. Speidi. You still get air time to talk about nothing. How does this happen?

6. Props to whomever thought it was a great idea to put Travis Barker and DJ AM in the corner to spin and play back-up for the random side shows. You guys are probably the best part of the show.

6a. If you didn't catch them, look harder. I know its tough because MTV spent a lot of money putting the stage together, but if you look on the far left you may see them behind all the other random crappy stage bearings.

7. Lil Wayne & T-Pain performance. Probably the highlight so far, not because they did an off the wall job, but they made you giggle, you spent a majority of the performance trying to figure out how Leona Lewis fits in, and if you noticed the flash to Kobe - he was having the best time in the entire theatre.

If the second half is as awesome as the first half, I may not have a follow up rant because I'll be asleep in the next five.

YouTube

2008-09-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

They really allow you to laugh hysterically (at any given time) at others' expenses.

Stripper Pole Dance

That is all

Team Alan

2008-08-28T14:43:00.000-07:00

There is nothing funnier than telling a funny story. I hope I can do this one justice because if you could hear Alan tell it, you would be rolling. So I'm going to tell the story from his perspective.

Ahem - Deeper man voice - Wearing a collared shirt & shorts
"So I'm driving down the street totally rocking out in my car to music. I'm singing along really loud with my window down just enjoying the day. I'm at a light just jamming and I look over at the car next to me. There are a bunch of kids in the car staring at me and one pulls out a megaphone and says:

"Stop singing, fag!"

Sly Dial

2008-08-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to mention this because it is up there with blocking your phone number when you call numbers you don't know that have called you.

SlyDial [267-SLYDIAL (267-759-3425)] is an amazing feature you can use to call someone and have it directly go to their voicemail. Why would you want to do this? Why not?

It's like that time when your Sunday Funday got a little out of control and you don't want to go to work on Monday morning, yet you don't want to talk to your boss about it either because s/he knows you are aren't "sick". If you go straight to voicemail, you don't have to plead your case.

Or if you just remembered you want to blow someone off (which none of you do I'm sure) and you don't want to have the conversation with them and explain why you are full of shit, just get the voicemail and their is no awkward conversation about why you can't come over for Aunt Edna's 104th birthday party.

A good one (don't tell your parents I said this) is to call and leave a message for the mom or dad to say hi. It's because really you don't want to hear the stories like the one about Susie's uncle - you remember him? He was the guy that we saw at Albertson's that one time when you were 6. Remember? He was wearing that purple shirt talking to your friend Sam's mom about how he loves golfing and working for the sandwich shop on the corner. You know the sandwich shop I'm talking about, it's your favorite, you always get the.... {Meanwhile you have put it on mute to watch the game, I usually do this to my Aunt, but a really funny thing is to say your parents want to talk to them because they usually panic just as much as you do}

Lastly, which I'm sure all you people that do inappropriate things when drinking would love, is to use SlyDial when you can't remember if you were an asshole the night before and/or you were out with someone you have a crush on/dating and you know you were annoying/too drunk/mean/etc. You can always call and apologize without having to have confrontation. God knows you don't want to hear about how you were a pain in the ass because you already looked at your recent call log and incoming/outgoing texts - you have a rough idea already.

Use it. Just not on me.

Fark

2008-08-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

Ladies & Gentlemen,

It has been brought to my attention that I should share this wonderful site with you because it is effing hilarious. It really brings to light how dumb our society is. Fark.com

For instance, Dumbass Inmate. I understand the family is upset about their out-of-line son who got locked up in Clark County and passed last year. I'm not speaking ill of the dead so don't harp on my insensitivity yet. But let's be honest, can we not sue the county because your son committed suicide by swallowing a toothbrush and a burrito whole? I mean first off, why would you swallow a toothbrush, nobody does that. Dogs don't even do that. Secondly, why would you swallow a burrito whole. Savour that shit, most inmates get bread and water, that's it, and you have to go and be selfish and not only waste a burrito but not even enjoy it. Crap if you ask me.

If we do notice too, the dude was found with lock jaw. Now that's quite the feat for us San Diegans because we know serious burritos, but this story takes place in the Midwest (Kentucky/Indiana ish), let's be honest, there are no serious burrito places there. This was probably a sausage burrito from McDonalds and he is being overdramatic. I can put on of those suckers down in 30 seconds with nothing but a smile on my face. I'm just saying....

ManFriend

2008-08-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

I would like to introduce the concept of ManFriend.

My father figures since our generation doesn't really specify whether or not we are dating exclusively, sleeping together, seeing others but dating you too, or just out right being whores - he just doesn't ask anymore about our relationships. He says we are "Complicated."

So when sibling that will remain nameless (ahem, siiiiister), brought home a guy to hang out one weekend, my father created the term "ManFriend." It's fitting without being specific.

I believe ManFriend is beginning to get used to the term because he did not like before at all. I know he is embracing it because apparently ManFriend now answers the telephone at my house - IN MONTEREY (which is where nameless sibling lives) - and says this is ManFriend, when I sound confused.

I would also like to point out nameless sibling is not there - actually no one is really. This "complicated" thing nameless sibling has doesn't seem some "complicated" after this incident.

So this is me putting you on blast ManFriend. It's only the beginning....

You know today's going to be great

2008-08-19T11:05:00.001-07:00

You know today's going to be a good day when the first text of the morning states:

"I really want to call my assistant a cock guzzling thundercunt right now."

Rules of MySpace/Facebook Searching (Stalking)

2008-08-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

There are ways to go about looking people up and there are just things you shouldn't do because you are insane and it's not normal. As I am writing this, don't think you are exempt from the rule because you are casually starting by looking at my blog and moving on to see who reads it, what they do, etc. Don't act like you are not.

1. It's okay to look people up, see what they do, where they are from, if they have fun pictures, etc. It's kinda creepy when you copy the photos and save them to your desktop because you want to "show" someone.

2. If you are a guy/girl looking at other girl/guy profile and you think they are good looking, but don't know them, don't write them telling them you cream yourself every time you seen them, they look ravishing in every color especially purple, or we should date sometime I'll meet you at the middle school across the street from your house. It's not normal much less acceptable. Go to match.com.

3. If you are of the older generation variety, don't try to befriend everyone under 25. It's effing weird and no we will not be meeting for drinks. And no I don't know where your heart monitor is.

4. If you don't trust your boyfriend/girlfriend that badly, talk to them about what's going on. Don't make a fake MySpace/Facebook profile and continuously flirt with them to see if they will cheat on you by meeting up with this random whore bag.

4a. If s/he does, send them a STD e-card as a joke, then it won't be so funny.

5. Lastly, if you are a friend of a friend and you are trying to see someone they are interested in/have been talking about and you are in no way associated with the desired person, don't ask to be their friend on a whim because you want to see their private profile more and what they are like. Odds are good we can tell where we have mutual friends and if its only that one person - bada bing - we know you were talking about us and spying. I just thought that was common sense.

I hope tutorial helps you not be so retarded. If not, I'm sure I can figure out a way to help you out and I'm sure it starts with a swift kick in the ass.

Reason #98345027354...

2008-08-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

...why I will not find a boyfriend in this great area of Pacific Beach - maybe not so much find a boyfriend, just not want one.

I'm walking along the bay with Cousin and a car of dudes drives by yelling "woo woo" followed by a orgasm making noise by one of them.

I look and low and behold this classy dude is faking jerking himself up out the window.

Yep - Speechless

E-Cards

2008-08-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

Now most people send e-cards when they forget a birthday or they don't feel like getting the person anything but want to send a nice gesture. To my surprise, e-cards have stepped it up a notch and gone to a new level.

STD e-cards.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, if you happen to contract a STD of some sort, NO WORRIES!, you can just go online and register an e-card to shoot over to your slampiece/significant other and let them know you have syphillis and congratulations, they do too! It's a lot of excitement for one little e-card.

The companies selling point for these also is that you can send them to multiple people, just to a.) reiterate for all you socialites that you look like a slut bag if you have to send multiple, and b.) congrats to said slut bag because you just ruined a few people's days.

In the event you would like to use this service, check out - InSpot and I apologize for insulting you in advance.

To Those That Need More Than We Can Afford...

2008-08-13T23:33:00.001-07:00

People kill me.

Respect is something that is earned and not entitled. What kills me is the fact that some people assume that you owe them the world, but at the end of the day, what have they ever done for you? Have they ever thought twice about how they have treated you or thought of your friendship/relationship? Odds are good the answer is no.

Most people expect you to go out of your way for them. Why is that? What did they do for you for you to do whatever it takes? Is there some fine print that I missed? Granted I have been burned my fair share, and at this point in my life, I've come to the conclusion it's time to start admitting it. Besides, at the end of the day, who ends up on top - it's you.

I know I have had my moments where I can be a pretentious asshole. It happens, but realistically, I know when I have and I know when to admit it. I won't continuously abuse the situation and make someone feel out of character or take advantage of them.

I guess what I am trying to communicate is that, at the end of the day, those of you who are too preoccupied with yourselves will never come out on top. You will probably sit at home and wonder where all the considerate people went and why you are no longer friends with them. And for that, I don't feel sorry for you. If you can't pull your head out of your ass, I guess that makes you the asshole.

To all my friends that have stood by me since the beginning, I love you and will always. To those of you I don't know as well, forgive me because I have my moments. And to those of you who treat me like shit, good luck because this is a done deal and I've washed my hands of you. I wish you well.

Hope that was all my deep insight because I'm starting to stress myself out :)

Note to Self...

2008-08-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

Vons checkout guy is not impressed when you take your orange juice out of the cart and throw it on the floor where it explodes everywhere causing him to shut down his lane. He is also not a fan of you apologizing and asking if its ok if you go get another one. Apparently that is not the proper procedure.

Granted, I don't think this is the proper procedure - making the young bag boy continue to bag while the older mildly mentally impaired man clean up the mess - but who am I to judge?

The Story of Tiina

2008-08-11T16:37:00.000-07:00

I know those of you close to me know this story in its entirety already, but it's always worth a good laugh to revisit it because, let's be honest, this shit is straight out of a tv show.

I was visiting the ex-bf in Huntington Beach (let's deem him HB) about a month or two ago with Julia because we all haven't seen each other in a while. We went out with his roommates and friends that night and had entirely too much fun. We came back and stayed at HB's house because it was closest and Julia and I were in no condition to drive.

HB and I have a weird relationship (always have) and so we have the tendency to act like we are dating when we hang out, even though we aren't. [side note: this only happens when we are both single] Regardless, Julia set up shop for sleeping in the living room and I went with HB to his room. Now we got a little bit frisky but nothing happened because we were both piss drunk and passed out sans clothing (it was hot, what?)

So I wake up at 5am that night and realize he isn't there next to me. Granted it didn't occur to me to think where he might be, instead I figure I should get dressed and check my cell phone. Glad I did because I had a hilarious text message that said the following: "Stay away from HB, next time I won't be so nice. Get your fat ass up now and leave whore" - Sent from his phone.

I start giggling and immediately go over to Julia - mind you who wakes up and says what's up like it was the most normal thing to occur on a Sunday morning at 5am - and show her. We both laugh and she mentions that she heard HB's brother and girlfriend fighting last night but wouldn't know why I would have this text or where HB may be.

After sleeping off a relatively decent hangover, we get up with HB's roommates and he is still no where to be found. Julia ask roommate if HB has a girlfriend that he didn't tell us about and he says no - so we tell him the situation and this is what happened really....

Apparently HB made the mistake of hooking up with younger sister's friend a few times. She then became obsessed with HB, regardless of how dumb they all thought she was/is. Since they all thought she was crazy, they wouldn't invite her over anymore nor let her come through the front door, she had to enter through the back gate if she did. The roommates hated her, but HB was nice because he knew she was crazy.

Her name is TIINA by the way, that's two II's, not a typo for the record, pronounced Tina but looks like Tuh-ee-na. So I guess Tiina likes to let herself in through the back gate via climbing cinder blocks (she purchased herself) that she strategically placed outside the gate so she can reach over and undo the latch. She then proceeds to let herself in through the sliding glass door - which leads to his room.

If we now remember I am in said room with HB - needless to say, Tiina was not happy camper. She flips out on him and he can only respond with "Shhh, quiet we don't want to wake Christiane. Let's go in the other room." She doesn't like that one bit and tries to attack me in my sleep. I don't hear any of this. I'm sad I didn't wake up because I could have laughed a lot, damn Jack and Diet. He pushes her into the hallway where is screaming uncontrollably, where he says "shhh let's go outside so we don't wake my roommates or Julia". Tiina doesn't like that Julia is there either as if you didn't know that was coming.

End all, HB leaves with her so she doesn't get the police called on their house.

Don't worry we all gave him a world of shit for this maneuver.

She came back the next day to check and make sure we were gone, we weren't. I can only imagine how that convo went.

I forgot to mention she is from the 909 - Ghetto

A Few Things

2008-08-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

Since I decided to return to writing about pointless shit that you people love to read because you have nothing better to do (just admit it); I have been thinking about things to bring up, but I stopped after listening to the radio today because they gave me some ammunition.

1. The new stamps released in April. I don't know if any of you heard this, but the production of the stamps with the American Flag is wrong. The flag has 14 stripes instead of 13. Last time I checked, there were 13 original colonies, but in today's day and age, who says they can't rewrite history? Apparently it was a production fault, but regardless - Are you serious?

2. AJ's Playhouse this morning: I know many of you can't catch this morning show, and some people say you shouldn't, but seriously I hear some hilarious shit. They had their token psychic medium on this morning and it was the speed round (yes or no calls only). So this girl calls in and, I swear to god, asks "so I have a baby and I'm no longer with my baby daddy, but I am dating this new guy. Should I try to have a baby with him soon too?" Are you effing serious? The psychic was already saying no before she was finished asking the question, granted I thought everyone in the studio/cars listening wanted to come through the phone and slap the girl. Is that even a legit question? Are you brain dead or just pathetic? What is wrong with our society?

It's baaaaaaccccckk......

2008-08-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

I know I know this has been very much anticipated, but I have officially decided to bring the blogs back - seriously this time. I know I said it before but I figured I can do it again and really mean it this time. Besides major sports figures retire and return after the off season - So I can too, granted I don't get paid millions of dollars a year, if I did - my assistant would be writing these.

Regardless, this time around they are probably going to be more entertaining and I'm going to do my best to protect the innocent. I'm going to bring out the nicknames for everyone and if you don't like yours, don't do stupid shit so I call you that :)

After so many requests to bring them back, I feel like I should everyone that justice. Get excited because this is only the beginning.....

Run

2007-04-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

I know I have been slacking again with the blogs and I'm sorry.

I can't believe it came down to this but I literally ran away from someone who was annoying the shit out of me and my friends yesterday afternoon.

A guy from work whom I don't know that well, but was nice to wanted to meet up this weekend. Now I said we would be at the bar around 1pm, but things took a while so we didn't get there til 3. Said guy is waiting there for 2 hours to start out with. Douche. Not to mention he didn't bring friends, which means I'm going to have to babysit. Then he decided he would tell me that I am hanging out with him all day and he wasn't driving home (which led me to believe he wanted to stay at my house and that is super creepy). I'm just completely weirded out at this point.

Guy then proceeds to annoy me and all of my friends continuously by excessively talking, not paying his share of our lunch bill and excessively talking. Did I mention he wouldn't stop talking? So at this point we are all pissed off and its ruining our day drinking which is completely unacceptable. Guy gets up to use the bathroom and Berg immediately says, let's go before he comes back. Myself, Allison, Berg and Coop stood up and literally ran out of the bar and up the street.

We are the biggest assholes ever.

Murphy

2007-04-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

Two Things About the Murph:

1. Apparently the animal gets mail. The other day Pooper was like, Murph got mail. I thought she was kidding. Sure enough it was from his groomer, directed to Murphy DeSalvo. The letter was simple. "Hi Murphy! Hope you are well. Love Karen." Yeah, I don't even get letters like that.

2. Murphy has been staring at the baseboard in the dining room for a total of 2 hours today and about an hour yesterday. He literally lays/sits staring at the baseboard, nose to floor, for continuous amounts of time. And just when you think he is done, he continues and starts whining at the floor. I have no idea why, but it's his new found hobby.

AJ's Playhouse

2007-03-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

For those of you who do not reside in the San Diego area, I'm sorry you don't have the ability to listen to this morning radio show. Tough cookies. But for those of you who do....

AJ's Playhouse on Channel 93.3 is so damn funny in the mornings. If you haven't listened yet, tune into 93.3 somewhere between 6 and 10am and you will giggle to yourself hysterically while getting ready, driving to work, or working. It is usually better between 6 and 9am. Regardless, every morning they have their segments they each do and most of them are weekly. Since we are in the Spring Break 2007 mode down here in the 619/858, the Playhouse has invented a new game of "Drunk or Not Drunk" where parents can call in and predict whether their kid on Spring Break is drunk at that given time whereever they are. From there, the Playhouse calls the kid to find out.

This morning the call was hilarious. Mom Donna calls in and says her daughter Carli is not drunk on her Spring Break in Rosorito. The team laughs and they dial her up.

Carli's Phone (CP): ::Ring ring:: Hello (man's voice)
AJ's Playhouse (AJP): Hello? [Mom comments "who is this?"]
AJP: Hello? Is Carli there?
CP: Who is this?
AJP: Who is this? [Mom "WHO IS THIS?"]
AJP: This is Channel 93.3. Is Carli there?
CP: Hello this is Carli.
AJP: Hi Carli this is AJ from Channel 93.3. [Mom "Carli, who is that boy your with? Does your boyfriend not mean anything to you?]
CP: Mom? ::click::
AJP: Uh well that was awkward. Let's go to commercial.

I have never laughed so hard. They manage to get Carli back on the phone to talk about the random dude, who turns out that went to her college yet she has never met him before last night. Mom definitely got back on and called her slutty and she is a disgrace to the family ON THE AIR. Hilarious.

Owls

2007-03-27T16:55:00.000-07:00

Wooden owls scare the shit out of me.

I know they are to keep birds away and what have you, but everytime I come across a fake wooden owl I jump. IT'S A FAKE WOODEN OWL what do I have to be scared of? Nothing really, but it really jumps out at me. Like yesterday, I was innocently walking into Kaiser and as I am coming down the ramp, BAM! Fake owl scares the poop out of me. Worst part is, that if it were real, it would be laughing hysterically at me.

I flipped it off. I know it's fake, but I was mad.

Latest Update

2007-03-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

Here is the latest on what's been going on:

Got a ticket on a freakin camera light back in January and I am just now getting the information on it. Don't worry, I get to go to court tomorrow.
Finally went to the doctor in regards to my side. Apparently he is into "relaxing" because the guy told me to load up on IB Profin during the day and then when I get home I can take muscle relaxers that he prescribed to me, and if those aren't good enough, there ain't nothing Vicodin can't do to solve the problem. Thanks doc.
Went to a taping of Wheel of Fortune yesterday. I wanna be like Vanna and Pat, they don't age at all. It's amazing. Btw the family sitting next to me was drinking vodka straight. Completely normal for a Sunday family outing at 5PM.
Palm Springs is an excellent choice for a quick getaway. I wanna go back.
Pooper's 24th was on Friday, which meant a lot of sake bombs and socializing at the Sandbar - My burrito was amazing and, for those of you who don't know, Roberto's has a bathroom and its located behind the kitchen.
The infamous Shrimpfucker made a surprise visit to the birth of Pooper on Friday, which made for a great time. There is nothing better than a Shrimpfucker appearance, especially considering Boston is quite far to just "swing by". Come back soon!
The parking nazis hate me and gave me a ticket today (cause a traffic one wasn't enough) for parking in a red with my hazards on, but the reason is because I was unloading a keg and clearly lil ole Christiane here can't lift a keg for shit. She saw me doing it and gave it to me anyway. Bitch.
My cousin Michelle is demanding more blogs, therefore I am going to need more ideas and material, so submit ideas and I will expand on them
That is all, carry on

My infamous return to blogging

2007-03-20T16:47:00.000-07:00

I know all of you have been patiently waiting for roughly 3 1/2 months for me to return to my blog, well here it is. This story is enough for my return.

"I'm getting old" -

I have officially decided I have hit the age to be considered old now. I know my birthday was back in December and it doesn't come around again until next December, but an event happened yesterday that has determined my "old age" indefinitely.

I fell.

Yes, you read that right, I fell. I didn't slip, trip, not pay attention or anything similar to that nature. I fell. I was innocently walking through an account, managed to lose my footing (on nothing I might add) and proceeded to fall to my right as hard as possible. Good thing there was a chair there to break my fall, but in return I thing I may have fractured a rib. The entire right side of my body is bruised, not to mention any type of jerking, sudden movement or turning cause a shot of pain to cruise up my right side. It's awesome. Not to mention this chair had pointed sides (design if you will) which caused the wind to be knocked out of me while clearly causing an immense amount of pain from the actual contact itself.

Don't worry I was supposed to wear a bathing suit this weekend, but that is not happened now because I look like a battered red-headed stepchild.

I know you have been waiting...so go ahead and laugh.

The Past Week

2006-12-11T19:52:00.000-08:00

Update of what went on:

Thursday: Military dinner with 15 of my coworkers. Absolutely great until we all decided to go out afterward which led to a lot of debauchery. All I know is that I made it home safely, but I don't really know how. Damn you Rumpleminze - And you too Farmerstein.
Friday: HATED MY LIFE all day despite the fact it was my birthday. I was literally crawling all day long. It was terrible. I had a shot at lunch to clear up the headache, but to no avail. The 3 hour nap remedied that feeling so I could get absolutely shithoused again for my actually birthday with all my friends. Damn you Sake Bombs and Rumpleminze.
Saturday: Considering I blacked out the previous two nights I decided to take it easy. Berg tried to rally me, which he did to a point until I realized that was a terrible idea and immediately retreated to my bed. Great choice.
Sunday: Rallied my ass out of bed and got it together to attended the Charger game with Midget. Let's just say that my beer intake for a Sunday Funday was immense and I don't recommend trying to drink Red Bull vodkas after consuming said large amount of beer. Not to mention there is nothing worse than being awake when a hangover hits.
Monday: Today royally sucked. My head and stomach were turning for the better part of the day and I basically felt like shit. Nothing worked, not to mention that I woke up at 4am and couldn't fall back asleep because I had so much on my mind, and I felt like shit.

Not to mention, for those of you who don't know, I lost my grandfather on Nov 27th, my best friend Lia's grandfather on Friday, a friend from high school yesterday and my best buddy Jake (my dog at home) just now. It's been a rough week for me and these things haven't helped out...needless to say it's been a little crazy.

A Life Lesson

2006-12-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

I stop in at the Nite Owl every Monday afternoon because of work and this is roughly the time I should see them anyway. I usually stick around for 30 minutes or so to chit-chat about what-have-you with the bartender Jen because either A) she is really bored or B) there is some effing weirdo/freak in there that is trying to marry her. Either way.

Today was no exception because when I walked in there was a gentleman sitting at a table alone looking exceptionally weird/freaky and well as relatively assassin like. I'm not really all about that. Regardless, I take their order and come back out to find my normal bartender shooting the shit with another man about his niece. He shows Jen a picture and her response "Wow she has huge tits for a 16 yr old!" and this is the story that follows:

Man: "Yeah she does. Anyway, so her father and I are driving with her and her brother the other day and her brother finds a used rubber/condom/whatever you want to call them in the back window of HER car. She yells to throw it out and her father and I turn around to see the commotion. I yell and her father is like - it's ok I already know. My niece was absolutely appalled."
Jen: "I had sex at 16 years old. I wish I would have waiting til I was like 18 or 19, because {ahem the best part and I quote} it's quite a life lesson to have a penis in you."

Moral of the story. Write that down.

Plus and Minus

2006-12-04T16:55:00.000-08:00

Weekend Recap:

Plus: I didn't have to work on Thursday or Friday.

Minus: I had to go home for not fun reasons.

Plus: I got to go home.

Minus: I now have a sore throat from going home for two weekends in a row.

Plus: I came back to SD Saturday.

Minus: It took me longer than anticipated. Damn you delayed flights.

Plus: I went out that night with T-Rex, Berg and his posse to the Silver Fox.

Minus: Didn't help the cough.

Plus: I scored an amazing amount of jager shots and an awesome tasting spicy hot dog with nacho cheese sauce from the hot dog guy outside. I highly recommend them.

Minus: It was effing freezing outside.

Plus: T-Rex fell over on the walk home due to retardation.

Minus: I lost my phone due to my excessive laughter which impaired my walking capability.

Plus: I found my phone in a driveway while retracing my steps.

Minus: Couldn't find a solid Hammy video upon my return.

Plus: Ran into the Gourmand's brother on the walk home at 330AM.

Minus: Totally forgot I had someone waiting on me and really upset him.

Plus: I slept until 100PM the following day.

Minus: It didn't really matter because my body couldn't move if it tried.

Formal Apology

2006-12-02T19:29:00.000-08:00

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to formally apologize to those who read my blog for my slacking in entertainment and blog posts. I just returned back to SD from the 831 and while I was home I was completely berated for not posting more things (ahem, Michelle). Therefore I will make it a point to write about all the shananigans I get into because I know some of you out there have nothing to do during the day (ahem Michelle) and/or have really boring lives and have to vicariously live through me. With that being said, be on the look out for more posts and exceptionally witty comments and side splitting humor.

Sincerely Yours,
Stinky Pants

Road Trip!

2006-11-21T21:30:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the day I return back to the 831 for some family time. I have my flight all set up with the anticipation of leaving work at 830am to fly back home; except something happens. I get this phone call from the Red Baron explaining his yearning for a return home to help out with the familia - so guess what time it is?

Road Trip!

The Red Baron and I will be en route to the 831 together for the first time ever since we have known each other, which is pretty much amazing. I haven't driven home in about 4 years and Red Baron vowed never to do it, but this last minute decision is going to be totally worth it. Pictures will be taken, stories will be shared. I'm exceptionally excited.

Stinky...out

Peanuts

2006-11-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving", and if you know me well enough, you know these cartoons for every holiday are my favorite thing to watch. I crack up everytime even though I have seen them all a million times and I know that Woodstock will always put Snoopy's ear in the toaster. It's never not funny.

Apparently, though, they have invented newer Charlie Brown cartoons which are not the same. Similar graphics, but not the same. Similar voices, but too far off. It was for our generation and it's not going to have the same affect on the children of this era. It's kinda like when they tried to invent newer Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer cartoons. It doesn't work, don't try it.

Btw I did put off my laundry for Charlie Brown :)

A New Thing

2006-11-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

I decided to try this new thing today. I don't know if any of you have heard of this, but I started doing this thing called exercising. It's totally crazy. You can run around outside, play sports or go to this place that has a lot of people doing the same thing; it's called a gym. I got relatively excited today and join one of these places. Insane I know, Stinky working out; I bet none of you could fathom that. So I joined. And then, get this, I went and I stayed there for a significant amount of time, which is probably why my body will hate me in two days. I even broke a sweat. I'm so proud of myself.

The kicker is that you have to go a period of days a week, for several weeks in a row to get it together. It's going to be a stretch, but I think it can happen. I am also trying this new thing of not eating like shit and eliminating things such as fried food and dillas. Again, something that is going to be a great feat. For instance, excerpt from a conversation earlier today:

Stinky: mmm bacon, i can't have bacon
Meatball: why are you kosher?
Stinky: no i am trying to be healthy and my intake of bacon is too much
Meatball: tough break
Stinky: i know - granted this started today, so ya know how it is, i'm also not doing fried food/mex/pizza, so i'll prob die

DMarr Drunk Dial Update

2006-11-10T07:02:00.000-08:00

I know everyone has been anxiously anticipating when the next drunk dial from DMarr would be recorded and here it is. It wasn't from the Longboards bathroom (or it may have been he just didn't proclaim it this go around), but it is comical. And I quote:

"You should call me back.........Tomorrow" ::Click::

Nothing more. It's amazing and I definitely saved it due to the fact that some (including DMarr himself) did not believe his last amazing message. The best part about this time around is the 15 min later text message follow up, which is as follows:

"Hearts Miss you"

I saved that one too; its just too funny not to.

My Sister Tiff

2006-11-07T16:34:00.000-08:00

So I called my sister Tiffany on Sunday morning after I picked up my car from downtown because I was possibly still drunk but I'm not that sure. This is the email she sends in return.

"Hello my Siiiister!!! So, why the phone call at 8:30am? I hope everything is alright. It sounded like a silly drunk the morning after call but I just want to check! I am at work and B-O-R-E-D! Ahhhhhh, 3 more hours to go! Anyway, main purpose of this little note is to see what your doing for Turkey Day! When will you be home? I have the whole week off but am going to Palm Springs until Wednesday, meaning I’ll be home that night. Get ready for some bubbly, I miss your dumb ass!

Love you Lots,
Tiff"

She knows me too well.

Bums

2006-10-30T21:09:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I haven't posted about this sooner, but it is incredibly hilarious.

A bum shit in front of our gate last week. I found it when I was coming back from walking the Murphy and he was trying to sniff it. Exceptionally disgusting. How do I know it's bum shit? Because its location was incredibly close to the wall and entirely too large to be a dog shit unless it's the most coordinated Mastiff that I have ever seen, but I highly doubt it. I didn't really believe it to be true, so on my way to work I called Smellso (who is still at home) and had her go check it out to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Sure enough I was right.

It was probably from some bum who was pissed that I left O'Douls in the alleyway to be stolen. Damn Bums

Addendum to Ex-Boyfriend Baby Story

2006-10-23T15:56:00.000-07:00

I would also like to mention that he entitled the MASS email as "Baby Coming Soon". Now if we are close enough friends and you are having a baby, I do not want to hear about it first hadn from an email. Secondly, "Baby Coming Soon"? What is it the new feature attraction at AMC? Is it coming out on DVD Nov 2? What is that about? Granted I knew about it already because someone told me, but realistically if you are going to MASS email your closest friends about your mongril, I would think you would have at least told them all personally first.

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool

2006-10-22T20:47:00.000-07:00

There is nothing more random and shocking than opening your email leisurely on a Sunday night to see the top email from your ex-boyfriend whom you haven't heard from in roughly 2 years in regards to his "bundle of joy," which is due on November 2nd, and asking if you are interested in receiving a baby annoucement and the whole story about how the mongril came about.

It's moderately creepy and I almost threw up.

I would just like to point out he was only dating this chick for roughly 3 months before this "thing" developed and it was all due to the fact she is a moron and frolicked in the fields while on antibiotics, which any girl knows cancels out any type of birth control. I would also like to mention she tells him this the night before he leaves for the Peace Corps in Ukraine while training in DC. Perfect timing chickie poo. Clearly he stops ship and comes home, which I think is shitty too because there are other people that obviously deserve to go (aka Reppy) but got screwed instead. I thought I was hallucinating when I saw the email and immediately exclaimed "eww" at the top of my lungs to just be reaffirmed by Poop that the email did exist.

Obviously I didn't want to miss out on some potential future entertainment and shock value, so I emailed him back with our address so we can talk about this again when it joins us in this world. I hope there is a picture included, that would increase the comedy. I know this rant seems rather passive and such, but if you knew the guy and all the things he had planned and going for him, you would think similarly. It just amazes me how some people you think have it all in place immediately lose track of all goals due to a mistake. I know things happen for a reason, but the lead up and response of everyone else really proves me to believe this was a mishap. Who am I to judge?

Iguanas

2006-10-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

I really like iguanas. They are hilarious. All they do all day long is sit and have people look at them and when they are done with that, they walk away, eat some grass and then sit some more. If fact, they are somewhat pretentious, which is comical as well. They puff up and look all tough and just when you think they are all cute and cuddly, they smack you with their tail, draw blood and give you rabies. This didn't happen to me of course, but it could if I got drunk and wanted to pet it. I mean he's all cute and cuddly right?

St. John Day 2

2006-10-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

So far I am thoroughly in love with vacations. They are amazing and everyone should take one at somepoint every year. There is a trampoline in the ocean which is awesome, but you definitely can't be drunk or tired to get to it, because let me tell you, it's exceptionally exhausting, and once you are there, you don't care anymore.

I would just like to let you know that originally we were supposed to have a 1 bedroom with a loft and somehow managed to score a three bed three and a half bath. I don't really know how that happened, but when I got here, I was completely confused. I totally thought I was in the wrong room with the two story house that we have that is larger than my house at home. Seriously. Not to mention that we have our own pool and hot tub in our front gated yard. There are also iguanas just chillin outside our house and pool, not to mention the little lizards running around. It's pretty sweet.

My dad overflowed the toilet on day one. Leroy (maintenance) was too keen on cleaning up said mess. Other than that this are amazing and I highly recommend everyone come play here.

More to come....
Stinky out

The week thus far...

2006-10-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

...can kiss my ass. Probably the worst week I have ever had and its only Tuesday. I have never had as many things to do at work as I have right now. It seems like it is endlessly piling on me. Not to mention these antibiotics I'm taking really don't make me a happy Stinky. They make me a Stinky with a headache, which I don't really like considering I have to take them twice a day. What is all that about? Plus a headache from work...overrated I tell you, and lame.

I would also like to reiterate that I highly enjoy the word lame. Some exceptionally short pointed out to me yesterday that I am the only person he knows that uses it, but I don't believe him [with hand motion]. It really describes life relatively well...

Life to me feels like this right now:
"You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand" - "Stand" by Rascal Flatts

Smellso's response:

That's why we are friends

San Diego Sports

2006-10-08T22:24:00.000-07:00

1. Why is it that the Padres only get one late game during the post-season and they have to play at the same time as the Chargers? Who thought playoffs during Sunday football was a great choice? I want to talk to you.
2. The Padres can basically kiss my ass right now because their playoff capabilities are lackluster and I don't really know what there problem is. Step it up.
3. Charger throwback jerseys are pretty much my favorite thing besides cheese.
4. If both SD teams would have lost today, I might have overly freaked out, but since the Chargers pulled through (and I was still exceptionally hungover) I didn't lose it.
5. I love Sunday football.

USD Homecoming Weekend...

2006-10-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

...is pretty much the best time of the year. Everyone from school gets all spirited and comes back to rally hard for pretty much an amazing weekend. Needless to say, today I feel absolutely exhausted and slightly hungover still from being drunk three times in 36 hours. I don't really know what was going on, or which side was up for that matter.

Started Friday at Happy Hour and didn't stop until 330am last night. Friday night the posse rolled downtown with T-Rex to have a rather debaucherous night. It was ridiculous. There was dancing, shot taking, being lifted up several times. Again I didn't know what the hell was going on, but I do know that Giggles and his buddy Nick are absolutely hilarious. All I can say is....the dancing.

I slept for like 5 hours and got up and did it all over again. USD Homecoming day was Saturday. Woke up and went to USD at 11am to start the shananigans. Drank beers, ate food, rode in a trunk (nobody puts Stinky in a trunk), got rowdy at the game, which led to the cone fiasco. Freakin rent-a-cops weren't letting me go out the main gate, so I got out and launched their cones into bushes, which then proceeded to Smellso knocking over all cones while I drove past them. They were none to pleased. It may have been because Smellso called him an asshole rent-a-cop but I'm not sure.

Later after a much needed 2.5 hour nap, Smellso and I rallyed to partake in a Longboards evening with Greg and all of the other people I know. We ran into the old posse, Red Baron, Banessa, Baker, Sugar Poo, Squints, DMarr, Chris...It was awesome. I had a blast and we took amazing pictures. Everyone peaced out on Baker and I and we thought it would be a great choice to order 4 beers at close and attempt to pound them all before we left. It wasn't happening, but it did lead to an entertaining walk home and a long overdue head lock/noogie. I don't know what came over us, but after having a conversation about how wasted we were, Baker and I opted to continue the drinking and have another beer when we got back here, which was really not needed. I immediately regretted that decision this morning when I woke up with the most immense hangover, where I couldn't even stand up straight.

Pictures are coming...

Lunchtime in La Jolla

2006-10-04T17:30:00.000-07:00

So I am visiting one of my accounts today, just to chat with the Manager Ron, and in mind sentence he looks out the window and notices a random guy (RG) with his door jammed against Ron's truck. He excuses himself and walks away. I, being the nosy person I am, look out the window to see what the deal is. This is how it goes.

Ron: Excuse me, please take your door off my truck.
RG: No, I am getting things out of my car, I'll shut it when I'm done.
Ron: No, I don't want a dent or a scratch on my truck.
RG: Whatever dude. I'll shut it when I'm done.
::More Spat::
RG: [Loads up and hits Ron across the face.]
Ron: [Pissed. Lays out the RG]
RG: [Didn't get up off the ground for another 15-20 min when the ambulance arrived.]

Yes this is what I encounter during lunch on a Wednesday afternoon around noon.

The Saints Are Coming

2006-10-01T16:57:00.000-07:00

If you missed the re-opening of the Superdome last Monday, here is a chance to relive the concert that was Green Day and U2.

Best Message

2006-10-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

Last night I received quite possibly the best voicemail I have received in a while, courtesy of DMarr. It was sometime after midnight, but I didn't get it until this morning. It went something like this....

DMarr: "Hey Christiane. I'm in the Longboard's bathroom. Give me a call."

Classic.

Smellso's News Story

2006-09-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, Smellso was on the news this morning talking about pets. I thought it was hilarious, so if you missed it, don't worry because the segment is online. Click on the link and on the right it says "watch video". Make sure to watch Carlos because he is quite funny. And if they show it, look for Smellso's awkward forced smile.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Carlos the Guinea Pig in all his "pigginess".

[The article definitely uses "pigginess"]

Tuesday Nights

2006-09-27T08:31:00.000-07:00

Shhh...its Confidential

Patron on a Tuesday night is a bad choice

Actually...its not that secret

USD Homecoming

2006-09-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

For those of you who went there, you know its going to be a great time. For those of you who didn't, you missed out on a great time. USD was a great 4 years for us and its about that time of year when we all gather together and debauchary ensues to celebrate being out one more year. It's that time where, even if you live across the country [ahem, Shrimp Fucker], you return to drink copious amounts of beer, watch football together and then proceed to go out and do ridiculous things throughout the evening. It's a great time of year.

However, I would like to point out the following video made by the University of San Diego.
1. What were you thinking?
2. What were you thinking?
3. Do you really think whatever you were thinking was going to work?

http://sandiego.edu/alumni/alumnirelations/homecoming/video.htm

See for yourself.

Stinky Returns

2006-09-24T17:03:00.000-07:00

After a brief sabbatical from the blog world, Stinky is back and ready to let loose all the happends of the past few weeks and those to come. Generally what's been going on:

Our internet went out about 3 weeks ago and we just got it together. Actually, what really happened is the neighbors got wise to our act and started putting passwords on their routers. Jerks.
T-Rex had her birthday last weekend. It was hilarious, but that is for another blog.
Scooper had her birthday last weekend as well. Also hilarious, but for another blog.
Stinky basically has her own route at work now due to her impeccable work ethic, dashing good looks and amazing personality. Actually, they needed me to fill in, but I can think the former, right?
The little Audi finally said no to continuing on with life, so Stinky had to remove her from life support. She is no more, but I do have a nice new ride. Her name is "Fitz". 2005 Toyota Corolla Sport, silver. It has a spoiler, which means I fulfill my Honorary A-Team duties. "Sister!"
The Buckeyes wrecked shop yesterday in College Football which lead me to drink probably 24 beers and do some shots. I got excited. It was no Ohio St/Michigan performance like last year (Tapatio, Meatball, McSherry...we remember the introduction of Pinball Christiane), but it was a good one, needless to say.
The Bengals came out on top today, which was awesome because A.) It was the Steelers, B.) It was rather close, and C.) I bet Sweet Kyle money and bragging rights...so he owes me badly. Best part about it is that he won't return my calls, which means he is exceptionally embarressed.

Stinky signing off....more to come later

A recap of this trip home

2006-09-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

Visiting home is always entertaining because some things never change. We get older and leave, but when you come home everything is exactly the same as you left it. Highlights of this weekend:

Realizing again that you can't go anywhere in this town without running into someone you know....... or their cousin.
What's a land line?
More importantly, what's a busy signal?
The ever so popular - "Did you hear that so&so is dating what's-her-face? I can't believe they did that to what's-her-butt!"
The Santa Rosalina Festival brings out every Italian, which means we see ever aunt and cousin I didn't know I had.
Realized that every kid in our family has worked at the Old Fisherman's Grotto and the same people that worked there 4 years ago with me, still work their now with Big Tor, and yes, Carol still puts on red lipstick that gets all over her teeth.
We ate at two of the million restaurants owned by the Shakes (all of the kids' boss at some point) and managed to run into and speak with half their family at said restaurants.
I am officially a tourist of this town: I drive through Pebble Beach so I can check out the scenery on the way to Sparky's house. Mind you Sparky and I both live in Pacific Grove, no need to enter Pebble Beach.
My 10th grade bio teacher, Mr. Olsen, is still gorgeous.
My parents took me seriously when I told them I would never come home again unless they changed the cardboard sheets in my room.
Lesson of the weekend: Drinking 3 kinds of wine in mulitple servings in one sitting is a bad choice. My head still aches.

Stinky....signing out

Day at the Races

2006-09-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Del Mar...

Housewarming Photos

2006-09-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

Some Housewarming Photos as promised...

Latest Recap

2006-09-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

A little recap of the past week...(In case anyone cares, which I'm sure you don't, but I will tell you anyway)

Labor Day Weekend: Did absolutely nothing and it was probably the best decision in the history of the world. Actually that's not true, we dressed up like Yuppie Snobs on Saturday and went to the races. The girls won money, Greg was not impressed.
Tuesday: Soul Food. Let's just say we were looked at incredibly weird as we walked through the door of Bonnie Jean's. Needless to say, we were stuck out like sore thumbs being the only three generic white girls in the entire zip code. "You guys...Is green a gang color?"
Wednesday: Stood on top of a wine cooler at the Ralph's downtown for the better part of 4 hours. Check out the Charger display though, I did a damn good job. Since their elevator light was out and I needed to use it, Don [the 65 year old Ralph's worker] asked me several times if he could hold my hand in the elevator to make sure I didn't get scared. Moderately creepy.
Thursday: Totally getting prepped for going home tomorrow.
Friday: Making an exciting return to the 831 to lay, sit, and sleep at home and chill with the units. Hopefully I will get some g-unit time in as well.
Saturday: Ohio State Buckeyes vs Texas - Hi yo College Football.
Sunday: Come back home.
Monday: NFL Monday Night Football kickoff - Chargers vs Raiders

Football season is probably the greatest invention of all time. I'm incredibly excited.

- Stinky...signing off

A Little Taste of the 831

2006-09-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

I like to take time and read up on the local newspaper from home to check out the "important" things that are going on around town. Here is today's "top" news stories:

Top Story: 'There is a New Predator on the Block: Aquarium hosts another great white shark'
Local Headlines: "Hospital Staff Feeling 'Anxiety'", "Comfortable in the Saddle", and "Star Studded Lineup brings out passionate Reggae Fans."

Big news I know. I knew I was missing a lot.

Old People

2006-08-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

I was having lunch with a co-worker yesterday and I walked passed a table of old ladies and noticed something that is pretty much a staple of the majority of old people I know. Why is it that they all must have their State Farm Insurance (or whatever insurance company) calendars with them at all times, and what's more, is that they must write on them with red pen? What is that about? I know it's hard to remember what doctors appointment is which day, but what about a day planner? or maybe a desk calendar? These two old ladies were comparing and contrasting, which is incredibly stereotypical of old people, all of their doctors appointments to find out which day would be appropriate for bridge. Hilarious. I mean, what's next? Are they going to bust out their checkbooks where they place all their receipts, coupons and the like in the cover, tigtened with a rubberband? Or maybe they will go home and rip off the latest month off the mini calendar (which is appropriately placed next to the insurance calendar when hung up) from their local barber/stylist. Or maybe, just maybe, they will bust out their envelope with coupons organized according to expiration date.

Old people are great.

Classic Bum Moment

2006-08-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

This morning as I am walking into a 7/11 on Mission Bay Drive, I see a bum out of the corner of my eye chillin outside. I don't think anything of it, of course. Then this happens:

Bum: Hey you!
Stinky: [subtle glance]
Bum: You're a whore!

Probably the funniest thing that happened all day.

Stinky...out

Asshole Neighbor Lady

2006-08-28T17:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Fat Whore Next Door:

Thank you for reporting to Animal Services for our dogs barking. I know that it is so terrible that they may bark for 2 minutes out of the day because they see another dog. How could they? It's not like they are dogs or anything. I would also like to thank you for reporting to animal services that they bark every weekday, every weekend, days and nights for more than 30 minutes at a time because that is completely feasible. Nevermind the fact Murphy can't walk a block without being winded, but he sure as hell can bark 24/7. I also find it amazing that the dogs are inside at night and when we are home, and they must still manage to bark. Is that a silent bark, similar to a dog whistle? Because I can't hear it. Can you hear it right now because Murphy is lying next to me asleep? Oh you can? Amazing. Apparently they bark all day during the week too. How would you know? Do you not work during the day like normal people? Oh you work nights? That means you must hear them while you are gone too. That's some killer hearing you have.

Do you report to the City about the firetrucks blaring their sirens driving warp speeds down Ingrahm? Do you report the bums filtering through your trash at 2am because you don't put it in the garage? Do you report the wasted people walking through the alley? How about the Fast and the Furios Tokyo Drift that lives 5 doors down? Ah you don't? Is that because its ridiculous? But reporting a subtle dog bark is really important, fat whore. Oh and your husband/boyfriend Lance is a pussy. Tell him to start sticking up for himself or else the guys across the alley are going to liquid nail your garage door shut.

One last thing....eff off, get a effing life.
Sincerely,
The Lovely Ladies of 1615

The Housewarming...

2006-08-28T17:15:00.000-07:00

...was a great success and a great time. Bbqing is always a good choice (thanks Nate for helping us out there) and there is no such thing as a bbq without beer (thanks Berg for providing). Some of the highlights:

Drinking excessively for 10 hours.
"The V-Neck"
Ladies and Gentlemen, our very own, Vincent Chase.
Coincidently a large amount of Rhode Island people.
The return of the infamous beer pong table. [My closing skills do still exist; don't believe a word Smellso says.]
I became a free agent twice in one game.
Of course the ever so popular Asian Tourist.
"Since when did you become good at sports?" - Smellso to Scooper in re: her beer pong ability.
"Why don't you sit down?" - "Because I look too good standing up"
Vinnie Chase passing out at 10PM
Group Silver Fox outing.
Tequila train at 12AM.
"Did he come all the way over here to tell you you weren't his type?"
Chili cheese dog on my skirt.
Waking up and immediately regretting everything I drank, including a 24 of Bud Ice.

Thanks to all of your who attended, it was a good time...and for those of you who didn't...don't worry it will happen again I'm sure.

Pictures soon to come...

K-Fed

2006-08-20T22:09:00.000-07:00

For those of you who missed it, Kevin Federline made his debut performance tonight on the Teen Choice Awards (the only reason why I watched it). If you didn't see it, you are probably better off because it was quite possibly the most terrible thing I have seen. I guarantee all FM morning talk shows will be talking about how absolutely terrible this performance was. He had kids break dancing as his opener, the song is called "Lose Control", for an ex-backup dancer, his moves are shit, his nasely sounding rapping ("R&B with a lil bit of Rock and Roll" according to K-Fed) could barely be heard and lastly, Britney introduced him. Can we just talk about her presentation for a minute? She is fat. No question about it. Yes I know she is pregnant and all that jazz, but seriously? And if you are looking like that at this stage in your life, can you please do us a favor and wear something that is more conservative because no one wants to see you ass if you are packing baby and everything else. Gross.

Fight or Flight?

2006-08-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

I have come to terms there are a lot of people out there that could be potential "best friends" or "close friends," but to determine which person stands where, you have to figure out which ones you can trust. Trust is an interesting subject because it is something that should stand strong between friends no matter the situation. It is something that makes or breaks a friendship, but when broken it can be rekindled in someone else. It is a characteristic that you believe your closest friends to embrace, but sometimes they show you a different side. Sometimes they show you the person you didn't believe existed and that's when you know that person is not who you thought they were.

It happens to all of us. You live and learn with the people you have grown up, gone to school with, worked with and just randomly met along the way. The people you keep with you are the ones who walk beside you, not in front or behind. These are the important people that keep you together, pick you up when you fall, don't judge you and when you can't figure out for the life of you why you feel the way you do, they explain it to you in the simplest fashion possible. These are the people who fight for your friendship because it means something to them. They want to help you help yourself or have you help them. And it's all because they care. Those are the people you trust, keep close and don't let go.

Most recently, I have realized there are people that you believe to fit this description but when minor, more complicated (almost compromising), or not so positive situations arise, these people choose to not take responsibility for their own actions. They choose to let someone else take the blame because its easier; they don't know what's its like to take ownership. I feel we learned the concept ownership when we were children, for instance when Tommy hit Susie or when Becky pushed Johnny. Or didn't we?

Confrontation. Another component of functioning human life. It happens, you can't escape it. There are going to be situations, whether they be major or minor, that every person has to deal with, you can't run away. Fights are a natural part of existence; they teach your who you are, who your friends are, and bottom line, shows you who cares. Avoiding it just makes it worse. Lying just makes it worse. So why does it happen so often? Because it's an "easy" way out. I hate to break it to those of you who have yet to realize it, but it's not "easier", in fact, it makes its worse. Friendships develop fights, the trust barrier is broken and the situation can evolve into the friendship no longer exisiting. Is that what you want? Is that the positive outcome of you taking the "easy" road? I don't think so.

So I guess it comes down to the easiest question:
Fight or Flight?

Recent News

2006-08-18T16:08:00.000-07:00

Two things have been brought to my attention via news:

1. Encinitas is urged to limit laborers, meaning they are trying to get the illegal immigrants to stop loitering around big businesses and major intersections waiting for work. Interesting. www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20060721/news_1mi21workers.html

2. The Las Vegas Review Journal apparently has nothing else to talk about in the daily news if this article is the leading headline. "Don't Sleep Near Feces or Urine" (as if that needs to be reiterated in any way). http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Aug-18-Fri-2006/news/9130007.html

The Chula Vista Experience

2006-08-16T16:26:00.000-07:00

The Chula Vista Experience: Week 1

I have spent all week in Chula Vista doing off-premise work stuff and it has been quite interesting. Today, while I was waiting for my sales rep, I was loitering around the "fresh" meat section/butcher shop area of this marketplace. Now I don't know why South Bay markets have the characteristics of Mexico so badly (well I know why, but seriously?), but they definitely do. I am disgustingly staring at these pigs feet when I am interrupted by a butcher man asking me if I need help. This is how it proceeds:

Butcher Man: Can I help you?
Stinky: No, I'm just waiting for a co-worker.
BM: Where do you work?
Stinky: Budweiser
BM: You shouldn't work. You look like you come from TV.

This is what I deal with all day long.

Update Time

2006-08-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

Totally have been slacking on the blog factor lately because, believe it or not, I have been working a lot and relaxing come the weekend, so Stinky has been preoccupied with other things. Update of what's happened:

I got promoted, so that means Stinky is getting up early and being productive throughout the day. Shocker I know.
Took a series of Asian Tourist pictures at Qualcomm with T-Rex for the comedy.
Saw the Asian Tourist buying 40 disposable cameras mentioned in previous blog.
Went to the Happiest Place on Earth and had an amazing time. No fireworks show this go around due to weather conditions, which was rather disheartening.
Highlight of the Disney Day: Wanting to take a picture on Minnie Mouse's bed in Toon Town but had to wait because a little Asian Tourist with a fanny pack jumped on the bed before me and threw up the peace sign. Priceless.
Working with someone from work whom I have never met before and becoming buddies. Totally awesome, everyone should meet The Midget.
Duffy's going away party. I can't even begin to explain what happened. I don't even know. I don't think anyone knows. The pictures can't even explain it.
Saturday's adventure at the Tavern. G-Unit and the rest of the ghetto posse showed up, gold chains, grills and all.
Leon (huge black guy with gold chains) asking me to dance. Me politely declining and him asking me to give him one reason why. "I'm a generic white girl." Needless to say, he walked away satisfied.
Chris' comment to me: "We have a DJ, and a shark dancer, that means you have to be the bootie shaker."
Mu-Shu made an appearance at the house Sunday.
Daddio's Champagne Breakfast.
Berg & Adamitis "work out" together at 7AM and "chat". I don't know what that means.
T-Dub wearing a mini skirt that barely covered the ass region and a midriff....to a wedding.
T-Dub making an appearance back on the dance floor after almost a year sabbatical. Woo woo...here we come.

Funniest Shit

2006-08-04T12:12:00.001-07:00

The man you above my friends is an Asian Tourist. How do I know he is? Because I took this picture this morning as he was buying 40 disposable cameras. Yes 40. I asked.

Addendum to "Threesome" Post

2006-08-03T16:31:00.000-07:00

Something was brought to my attention today by one of my cohorts in regards to the two girls/one guy vs. two guys/one girl topic.

Direct Quote: "I'm thinking just one guy. I wouldn't want the butt vajayjay action going on. Or like sex and in the mouth at the same time."

Another Direct Quote: "I would want to be the guest star with a couple, but I would want to be the center of attention."

Threesomes

2006-08-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

Threesomes have been the topic of conversation over the past weekend due to the excessive watching of Sex and the City and Entourage. Having never been in a threesome I can't really speak about the subject wholly, however I do think it would be a good time, but within reason I guess. The big questions mostly were: Would you do it with people you know or strangers? Would you do it with your boyfriend/girlfriend and someone else or would you prefer to be the guest star? If you were the guest star, would you like to be prominantly involved or just a side act? Two guys and a girl or two girls and a guy?

Speaking for our household, most of us came to the consensus that we would like to be the guest star involved in said threesome (given none of us were in a relationship) because we wouldn't be attached or have anything to worry about. And by worry about, I mean we don't want a boyfriend involved because there would be sharing and we aren't really down with that. [Sorry guys] The decision on whether or not we would want other people we knew involved didn't really get answered because there were so many options and what have you. There was only one answer to the last question listed above as well, and there would definitely not be any swords crossing. It's just a preference.

What are others opinions?

People From High School

2006-07-29T12:44:00.000-07:00

Smellso went out to the Gay Pride Parade today to do stuff for Red Bull. When she got home, she informed me that she saw The Freaker Outer and a girl I went to high school with. She only knew it was a girl I went to high school with because when we were at a gay bar for work back in October, I swear I saw high school girl there canoodling with some other chick. That's cool, whatever, its totally cool with me ya know. Well apparently Smellso got to talking to this chick a little bit and this is how the story goes:

Smellso: So where are you guys from?
Chick: Monterey
Smellso: Oh my roommate is from there.
Chick: Who's your roommate?
Smellso: Christiane DeSalvo
Chick: Oh yeah I know her. She went to RLS with me. She would probably call me a big dyke, which is fine because I am one. But she is a pretty girl....

I don't even know how to respond to that one.

"I Hate Other People's Kids"

2006-07-27T23:29:00.000-07:00

"I Hate Other People's Kids" by Adrianne Frost is quite possibly the funniest, most honest interpretation of those pesky things that parents love to call "bundles of joy". If you know me well enough, you know that I can't stand kids, and this book hits so many points so well. She touches on the obvious shit that we encounter with other people's kids on a regular basis, but compares the kids to wombats, monkeys and dogs, to name a few. How they smell (like Cheese Nips and feet), how they run around (like wind up toys), how that jabber endlessly (like a skipping record), it's never ending.

My thought on kids: they shouldn't be let out of the house unless they are fully trained. That means, no snot running down their face, or dried and caked for that matter; no stupid costume unless its Halloween (including the ridiculous infant butterfly or dog outfits; they don't know, so don't put them in it); no velcro shoes; no playing in the dirt/sand/oil/reclaimed water; no asking of the same question incessantly; no talking for that matter unless it's intelligent and/or pertaining to what is going on; no tugging at the pants/skirt/shorts/etc; no running, period; no screaming; no crying (I don't care how fast that car hit you); and definitely without a doubt no whining. I don't care how tired/upset/bored you may be, just deal with it and you will go home when mom or dad is damn good and ready.

Those are just my thoughts about the little buggers all parents tell stories about. How great they are, how smart they are, how responsible they are. It's all bullshit. If they were all these things they wouldn't be tearing down that display rack right now nor would they asking "what time are we leaving." That's not responsible and definitely not smart. If they were smart, they would know that I was about to smack they upside the head or trip them on purpose as they come barreling down the hallway. If they were responsible, they would know that when they leave 57 toys around the house, said toys would immediately find the recycling bin and/or the dog's mouth. And if they were great, they would be at home asleep with a babysitter, no calls required.

Frost does touch on the points I mention above, but I decided to have my own rant on them. She also touches briefly on photographs of kids, but I would like to say more. All babies look the same. They look the same in the ultrasound (like a lima bean growing into an oddly shaped dog toy), they look the same coming out (disgusting and foul, no one should see that), and lastly, they look the same once they are born (ugly). No kid is cute when its born. In fact, all newborns have the same characteristics as E.T., no questions asked, except for that baby Pooper and I saw at Broken Yolk that one time, which in its case looked like an emancipated freak alien that should never have been brought out in public because it only receives unnecessary berating comments like those I am disposing right this minute. Back to the point, all those babies are gross, ugly and disgusting; they don't even start to develop non-alien like features until they are at least a year (not 12 months) or older. On that note too, don't tell me they are 27 and a half months; I have no idea what the eff that means. I graduated and have moved on with my life. I don't have time to do the month to year breakdown, granted it's not like I care how old your effing kid is anyway. I probably just asked to humor you, not to hear the answer.

I am closing this rant and rave with an excerpt from the book because I laughed hysterically outloud because we all know these people that do this:

"You don't want to talk to Other People's Kids on the phone. You don't want to talk to your friends while they are dealing with their kids. When you call your friend's house, you wish to talk to him/her on the phone. You dont' say, "Hey is Harry Jr. there? I'd like to hear him gurgle." So much time is wasted as the kid tries to form words and sentences with a parent coaching them in the background. You rarely talk to your mother when she calls, and for the same reasons."

Sweating

2006-07-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

Ok seriously this weather is really getting out of hand and I'm not a fan at all. Did it really need to be 100 degrees at the beach last Saturday with no wind and an extensive amount of humidity? Do we need to have 70-80% humidity every effing day? Does it really need to be anywhere from 81-92 degrees with said humidity everyday since Saturday? And more importantly, does it have to be overcast with those temperatures and humidity? What is eff is this all about? I seriously have been sweating since the beginning of June and defintely for all July. Since I moved into this house I haven't taken a hot shower, not even a warm one. Everyday I turn it all the way to freezing and that doesn't help because the sun roasts the pipes. Lose lose situation I tell you.

Washing Machines

2006-07-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here writing blogs about the past weekend because MySpace isn't working and that's what would normally take up my time right now, and I hear the washing machine upstairs starting the spin cycle. Normally it's relatively loud, but for whatever reason it's out of control loud. Words immediately out of my mouth "What the eff is going on up there?" With the response from Pooper "Oh God!!!!" I immediately run upstairs and for whatever reason the washing machine has elected to try to walk out of the laundry room by means of the closed doors. What is that about? I can't even begin to explain the comedy.

Friday Night

2006-07-23T21:12:00.000-07:00

New things were invented on Friday night/Saturday day that I feel everyone should be aware of:

There is no long just a Tequila/Patron Train. Recently added: Jager Yacht, Fernet Ferry, Beer Bike and the ever so popular, Rumpleminze taxi.
All of the above take you straight to Wasted Island, no questions asked.
If you ride said vehicles long enough, they take you to Blackout Beach, which is located on Wasted Island.
And with out fail, especially when mixing, you take a trip to Hangover Heaven, which never makes for a good morning.

Actually that's not true...

2006-07-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

...The good ole Audi is not on her way out; she is actually getting fixed and alledgedly coming back into my possession tomorrow, but we know how these things go. I thought I was going to get her back on Thursday, but apparently while replacing the water pump and timing belt (bc apparently those were a necessity to fix along with the radiator), they found a second radiator underneath which was shot as well. Yes, I guess I have two radiators. Sweet. They told me I would get her back on Friday. Friday morning comes and I guess the radiator that was supposed to be coming from LA does not exist in LA, in fact, it doesn't exist anywhere in the state of California. Of course, why would it? This leads them to tell me they are having it overnighted to them, but since they don't work on Saturdays, it will be available to pick up on Monday. Again, why wouldn't it be?

So I guess I will get her tomorrow and she better freakin last a while or I personally will kick her ass. I don't really want to deal with her attitude anymore.

On it's way out

2006-07-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

It's looking like the good ole Audi may have seen her last of days. I can't make any guarantees at this point, but looking at it financially, it's not really worth fixing her at this point. I'm sure my father will think otherwise, but realistically it would be the best choice at this time. Basically I am rolling car-less for the next few days until the situation is fixed, but it can't be fast enough.

Oh yeah and the car place screwed me. I asked them to check it out, see what needed to be fixed, which blatently was the radiator due to excessive overheating [new radiator installed] but in the process they didn't seem to pick up on the fact that the water pump needed attention as well. The water pump and the radiator work together so I don't know how they missed it. Anyhow, I leave with new radiator, hoses and tune up to come to a stop and realize that excessive amounts of coolant are running away from my car. Fan-effing-tastic. I take it back and this is when they enlighten me that I need a new water pump, not to mention a new timing belt because said water pump is right on it. Fan-effing-tastic. They say it will be an additional 500 to the 500 I already paid. I just said eff it, left the car and told them to not touch it until I contacted them.

So now it's the deciding factor with the units whether to say goodbye to the dear ole Audi or invest more in her. Personally and financially I don't feel its worth it...but the dad may think otherwise.

Bah

The Units

2006-07-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

Weekend Recap:

The Units made their first appearance in a year to America's Finest City. They had a good time and lived it up with the Stinky and her posse.
Started it off at Tower23 where they got to meet up with quite the posse. Those in attendance: Pooper, Scooper, Smellso, T-Rex, Cuppy, L-Wood, Pooper's Brother, Skin Tag & his posse, Fuscilli and Ninja Star. L-Wood forced my dad, nay all of us, to have chocolate milks with him, Smellso knocked over several beers off the bar and I believe Pooper may have knocked over a draft beer, but that has yet to be determined.
The Units, Pooper & Pooper's Brother jumped in a "family" cab to the Sandbar with the rest of us in tow. I would like to point out that the Sandbar manager bought my dad a shot of tequila and a Bud Light and the DJ gave three shout outs to "Christiane's Units," including one specifically going out to Mom Unit ("Naughty Girl") because she was dancing.
The Units peaced out early and we stayed dancing and celebrating O Todd's birthday (and yes, he was also in attendance along with Brother Black)
The Units had a great time and returned safely back to the 831.
Pooper, T-Rex, Kitty, Giggles and I made a Wavehouse appearance yesterday for an attempt at Sunday Funday, but it was so effing hot that we had to leave due to excess sweat.
Other than that, slept a lot and made several attempts to meet up with The Pit and Red Baron, to no avail.

Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament makes its return to the Wavehouse tonight at 7PM. I highly recommend being in attendance because it is definitely worth a good laugh.

Ducks

2006-07-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason, every night around the 11 o'clock hour, someone rides/drives down Ingrahm blowing a duck sounding whistle. I think its quite humorous every time and I chuckle to myself, but then I realized it happened every night. What is that about? Are they rallying the Ducks? Do I run outside, strap on roller blades and follow the sound? Do I chant "Ducks, Ducks, Ducks" in anticipation I am going to find Emilio Estevez when I find the source? Is Charlie really going to play with us or just pose as an Asst Coach? Are we facing Iceland as Team America or are we just plain Ducks?

These are the things I think about.

RPS

2006-07-11T15:13:00.000-07:00

If you have never been to a Rock, Paper, Scissors (RPS) Tournament before. GO
If you have never witnessed people with teams and entourages for RPS. DO IT.
If you have never witnessed said people drinking heavily for said tournament. YOU NEED TO.

It's probably one of the most entertaining and funny things you have seen, yet its something so incredibly simple and fun that we learned when we were 5 years old. The official San Diego Rock, Paper, Scissors Tournament is held every Monday Night during the month of July at the Wavehouse in Mission Beach from 7-9PM. The winner from each Monday wins a trip to Vegas (air and hotel) for 3 days/2 nights, and its all for playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. I shit you not. It's hilarious, people get incredibly into it and they get exceptional upset when they lose. The competition is fierce and the drinking levels are intense. Uniforms are even busted out. It was the sight to be seen. Evidence of this event below.

So if you haven't done it, come play. I mean what have you got to lose? You play, you drink, you possibly win a trip. I mean you can even dress up if you want...you know I am rocking the RPS uniform next week.

I'll close out with the USA Rock Paper Scissors League Oath (Yes there is one, and yes events like this are on ESPN):
"I know that RPS belongs to no man or woman and was created before recorded history. To that end, as I prepare to battle and engage my worthy and respected opponent, I honor the RPS players that came before me. I recognize the rules and regulations of the International Rock Paper Scissors Federation as the governing body of the sport and yield to the authority of its referees and officials. RO-SHAM-BO-SHOOT"

Drunken Voicemails

2006-07-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

I would like to point out I left T-Rex the best voicemail in the history of the world (not to compliment myself) on Saturday night at 130AM.

"I am Stinky. I am Stinky Pants. Woo!" ::Click::

That is all.

Power Hour & UFC

2006-07-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

I got the most amazing message from our friend CK yesterday:
"Christiane, it's CK. Your girls' presence has been requested for our viewing of the UFC 61 tonight at Athen's. We have excessive amounts of beer left over from the 4th. Power hour will ensue at 730. Call me."

Now when was the last time I did Power Hour you ask? Probably junior year of college (and it was Century Club with Mickey's I might add, don't recommend it) and I vowed to never do it again because it was the worst idea (by worst I mean amazing, but still) in the history of the world. Well, I went back on my word and Smellso, Pooper and I got back on the train and did the entire thing. Granted I almost lost it at 53, but I held it together quite nicely to regain momentum to finish this thing. Why did I almost lose it? I blame the clock, the large numbered digital clock that Todd brought.

Eff that clock. Let me tell you, that clock has a mind of its own. It was great in the beginning because it was timing perfectly, just changing every minute, but as the game continued on the effing clock got faster and faster and it felt like we were shooting beer every 10 seconds. What the eff? Seriously. We were so pissed at the clock that we launched it from the 2nd story of Athen's house twice, threw it in the water filled cooler, put it on the bbq and lit it and then proceeded to throw it on the ground and stomp on it. It didn't stand a chance.

Effing clock.

Tapatio & Stinky - Dynamic Duo

2006-07-06T15:47:00.000-07:00

Tapatio and Stinky are one gruesome twosome when you put them out together. I wasn't planning on staying out all night, as a matter of fact I wasn't planning on drinking that much. I blame the Rumpleminze, or the Jager, or the Tequila, or the Rumpleminze....

Tapatio's goal: Get kicked out of the Tavern. Mission accomplished.
- Bouncer: My manager says I have to kick you out.
- Tapatio: Well your manager is an asshole.

The best part was was that we were giving each other high fives and cheering as we left, which made the bouncer that much more annoyed with us. Classic. I also had the opportunity to pull the signature Stinky move of "can I have a bite of that?" on Jeremy. It was a good one too because I completely jacked his burrito and continued to finish it off, which wasn't my intention initially but it worked out, just not for Jeremy. He also shouldn't have left Tapatio and I because we apparently thought it would be a good choice to walk in the opposite direction of where we live, get tired and lay down for a nap in someones yard on Chalcedony.

Also, I opted to wake up and run away, leaving Tapatio to fend for himself, but in the process I managed to leave my purse with everything in it on the sidewalk next to him. I woke up in quite the state of confusion when I couldn't figure out how I didn't come home with anything, or how I got home for that matter.

I returned back to the Tavern today to retrieve my credit card, [which was actually in my wallet just in the wrong place, Baker, don't even comment :) ], and one of the bouncers told me he has never seen two people so amped about getting kicked out of a bar before. He also mentioned that he gave the bouncer that booted us (he was new) the third degree.
Direct Quote: "You have to be careful who you kick out. You have to ask one of us before you kick someone out. Don't you know who she is? She spends a lot of time, money and energy at this place, which means I don't care if she is falling over, she stays and so do her friends."

I love that bar.
Coming soon: Video of Tapatio and Stinky dancing to "Party all the Time"

Yar

2006-07-06T07:17:00.000-07:00

It's official, anything that I carry out with me on a regular basis is no longer existant. No one should leave me and Troy alone at a bar because we take random shots, get kicked out and then lay on the street innocently trying to get home. I don't know what happened but I must go find my purse now.

yar

Biking

2006-07-05T14:25:00.000-07:00

Word to the wise: I highly don't recommend drunk bike riding on the busiest day of the year in San Diego (4th of July) if you haven't practiced bike riding completely sober for an extended amount of time.

I crashed and burned into the sand, Smellso crashed and burned into the sand, Pooper crashed and burned into a parked car and Scooper crashed and burned into a parked car. All in all, a successful day in the crashing department, not to mention the excessive swerving and almost falling department.

Btw can I point out that Jeremy managed to crash my bike without even riding it...three times. Don't even ask because I couldn't begin to explain it to you, but more on Jeremy in a minute...

Welcome to the New Whore Island, Beee-otch

2006-07-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

The move was ever so successful and is completely done. Let me tell you, 4 girls, 2 parents and 2 U-Hauls later the old house is transformed into the new house and everything it great. I mean just because we didn't really sleep for three days and our old landlord harassed the shit out of us on the day of, doesn't mean we couldn't get it done. Btw the house looks amazing thanks to Pooper...she did such an amazing job. Big shout out to Matty, Sweet Kyle and Greg for helping us keep our sanity and move/organize our U-Haul Friday Night. It was a good time had by all. Another big shout out the Pooper's units for all the help on Saturday and Sunday with moving/drilling/cleaning, etc. And a big thanks to Scooper for coming down early and helping us out, couldn't have done it without you : )

Say Goodbye to Whore Island

2006-06-29T17:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a good run at Whore Island 1 & 2 and this neighborhood will be truely missed. The Fab Four (Stinky, Smellso, Pooper and Scooper) met each other here, we grew up together here, we lived together here, we learned a lot about ourselves here and it is unfortunate that we have to officially say good bye this Saturday morning. It actually makes me really sad to think about having to leave this place, which is why I am going to take you guys 5 years back to some of the classics...
Then...

And now...

We have had some great memories, stories, ups, downs and everything inbetween. Boyfriends and friends have come and gone, but the Four only get funnier, wiser and far closer. Recap of some of the highlights of Whore Island...

-Action shots
-Pre-parties before events
-Get Tanked: Best Birthday themed event ever
-Water fights in the house
-Capture the Flag: Two teams 7 on 7
-Launching anything and everything off the balcony
-Painting the house and fixing the stairs to Hoobastank
-"Let's Have a Rager"
-The Neighbor Guys
-"You look ugly in green"
-Blue Wine
-Black Capes
-New Year's Eve three years running
-4th of July three years running: There is nothing better than the 4th of July in San Diego. If you haven't done it yet, get on the effing bandwagon because its the most anticipated event of the year, next to Thanksgiving.
-Thanksgiving four years running: There is nothing better than Thanksgiving at Whore Island. If you have yet to do it, get on the effing bandwagon because its the most anticipated event of the year.
-Christmas four years running: Nothing like a little mistletoe, egg nog, blue wine and a Christmas tree to get into the spirit of things.
-The infamous pancake slap
-Anchorman, Anchorman, Anchorman
-Love notes from the neighbors
-Ed the old guy next door, the Mafia a few doors down and can't forget the insane landlords Eva and Carlo (Sedigheh is right up there though)
-East Compton Beer Pong Team
-Rockstar Team
-The Infamous Beer Pong Tournament/DVD: Uniforms, guest list, video crew, national anthem, 12 teams, 4 brackets, 2 finalists, 1 winner...

There have been antics, insane stories, practical jokes and mass amounts of laughter that have gone through both houses and it will be missed terribly. If you experienced it, thank you it was great and glad you could be there, and if you didn't, you will have to get to it because we are moving to a New Whore Island where the craziness will continue.

It's been a good show. It's time to say goodbye to Whore Island, you'll be missed.
-Stinky, Smellso, Pooper and Scooper...out

One of the Most Entertaining Moments of the Day

2006-06-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

Doing off-premise stuff for work is quite possibly the most entertaining thing. You see the randomest people and the randomest things.

The highlight of being in Chula Vista at Noon:
Old Man enters Rite Aid in a big hurry and stares down the cashier at the register [mind you she is helping people and there are four registers open] and says:

Old Man: Hey, are you a cashier?
Cashier: Yes.
Old Man: Ok don't go anywhere. I'm in a hurry, I'll be right back, wait for me.

I don't even know how to respond to that...

No Pun Intended

2006-06-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

Stinky: There you went underwear, I knew you were in there [drawer that is]
O Todd: [Gives weird look]
Stinky: What? I'm talking to my underwear. Don't worry about it.
O Todd: I hope its not giving you any back talk.
Stinky: [erupts in excessive/unnecessary laughter] Good one.

Extreme

2006-06-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

Can we just talk about how effing hot it is here in San Diego. It's completely uncomfortable. It's like 85 degrees all day long, not to mention the humidity is up to like 60% or more, which is completely ridiculous for here, I'm constantly out and about on the pavement and since the 4th of July holiday is coming and the Bartender's Ball is tonight, we have been running around like crazy people. Doesn't really help out the cooling off process. I don't know how many cold showers I can take to cool off.

Mrah...oh yeah, I have an interview at 715 tomorrow morning, which is sweet cause I'll be out relatively late tonight, sweet life.

Last Night

2006-06-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Kelsey. I'll just start with that. I have no idea what happened last night. Not a clue. How do you go to a bar with like 8 people and manage to not come home with any of them? How do you wake up this morning and realize everything is missing and you don't know how you got home? I blame tequila and the Masshole.

Series of events this morning:

Wake up and don't know how I got home.
Lay around and really contemplate how I got home.
Realize that I came home alone in a cab, even though Smellso, Greg and Pooper were all with me and coming home to the same place.
Thought about it and realized I took said cab home to my old house (Whore Island), which I haven't lived in for about a year now. Cabbie was pissed at me.
Don't worry I then realized that I got him back for being pissed at me, yeah I yacked on his door. Classy I know, but that's all I could do at the time.
Walked the Murph and saw that my shoes were outside, couldn't figure that one out. My bra was in the hallway. I still don't get it.
Cleared it up this morning when Smellso told me she came home to me sitting on the front porch alone banging my shoe on the front door cause I didn't have a key. I don't really remember that so we can go ahead and say it didn't happen.
Did I mention I lost my phone last night? Searched everywhere today and couldn't find it. Sat down on my couch and heard the beep, got stoked and called it again. I found it. Where you may ask? It was on the bumper of my car outside. Duh, where else would you put it?
Went to put my key in my car door and it wouldn't fit. Turns out I managed to bend it incredibly badly last night. I don't really ask questions.
I'm still hung over.
Pooper yacked at 530PM today.

On the plus side, our 1-9-1 softball team went ahead and won the championship during the playoffs today and earned a good looking trophy. How about that one? Don't act like you aren't impressed.

More to Come...

2006-06-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

I don't know what happened last night...but I blame The Pit and well tequila.

More to follow later

What Just Happened?

2006-06-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

The conversation I just had on the street with a pair of random guys that randomly approached me:

Guy: You have a rockstar hair cut. It's fun.
Stinky: Thank you. I get that a lot (In the attempt to be somewhat rude so he would go away)
Guy: Are you in a band?
Stinky: Yeah I'm in a band. ::severe sarcasm::
Guy: Really? Where do you play. Wow a celebrity.
Stinky: No I'm not in a band.
Guy: Are you a Charger girl?
Stinky: No.
Guy: Are you wearing underwear?
Stinky: What? Are we really having this conversation right now?

Clearly I had to walk away at that point, laugh and try to figure out what just happened.

The Shakes

2006-06-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

"Do you ever get the shakes? I do. I have to take a shot or have a beer or something to make them go away."

Direct quote from someone I know. Now I feel that once you reach this point in your life you may want to reevaluate your status in life and what you are doing with yourself because in no way is this normal. More importantly, shouldn't you recognize you have a problem at some point and realize this is not a normal question to ask a group of people? I don't know , maybe that's me, but really?

What's worse is the aging look at the ripe old age of 20 something. People should not comment on you saying "you look worn" or "you look like you have been through a lot". What does that even mean? T-Rex and I were talking about this and theoretically someone should say something to said person, but there is just nothing to can say to that. I don't even know how to respond. But more importantly, how do you even get to that point? I mean I know HOW you get to that point, but how do you do that to yourself day after day after day? Freaks me out really.